“It’s all allowed”

“everything is permissible, but not everything is beneficial.

Everything is permissible, but I will not be mastered by anything.”

Today, I danced with a guy with a tattoo on his forearm that read: “it’s all allowed”.

I’ve been passively thinking about what I would need in a partner, and dancing with him taught me a lot about what that might look like.

We played with the spaces between us and with the ways that we made contact and stayed connected. I liked the times when we were spatially distant and doing our own thing – it communicated some kind of confidence. We remained attentive and responsive to each other, but still kept to our own movements. There was no unnecessary tension, no thinking about where to go next, just open to the possibilities of each moment.

The difficult part is that being “open to the moment” is that it works in the same way as luck. To be lucky, you have to be at the right place at the right time. Most importantly, you need to have done enough preparations so that you can “seize the moment”. You have to be the “right” version of yourself at that time and place. Scott Peck touched upon a similar idea in “The Road Less Traveled”, where he mentions that a long, loving relationship is only possible if both partners are mature and loving already (By mature, he means taking responsibility for their own actions and choices. By loving, he means expanding and extending oneself for the spiritual – or mental – growth of the other). A lot of individual work is required.

I stared at his tattoo until I figured out that it was English.

If everything is permissible, then everything is a choice, because there’s always an alternative possibility. You may still choose to do something you don’t like to do, but still, you’re not forced to do it against your will. On the contrary, it might be your strong will that’s making you do what you don’t want to do, so that you can gain — or keep — something you really want.

In speaking about love and relationships, I think love (or anything) only has value if it is willing chosen amongst a sea of alternatives. If and when love becomes a commitment, it’s helpful to remember that love continues to be a choice, meaning that you have to choose to commit to that choice everyday.

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